The signs I chose to Ignore

I made a couple of tweets regarding two of the TEMPUS HQ boys, Magni Dezmond and Noir Vesper, and the sudden announcement of their graduation from HOLOSTARS. I admit that I haven’t been keeping up with updating Starpura Space beacuse of my semi-hiatus, but I have been aware of Dez’s and Ves’s sudden hiatus after they just made their debuts with their new models.

Since the start of their hiatus, I wanted to be optimistic that they will return. Even my TEMPUS oshi Regis Altare and his Shiny Spicy partner-in-crime, Axel Syrios, have been optimistic. I wanted to be optimistic that the one-year anniversary celebration would continue once they return. I was even looking forward to the 21-member song collab by the boys ¹ as well, but then we would have to wait.

I really want to hang on to that optimism, but my personal gut was preventing me from that. Other than the data analytics bootcamp that I enrolled in, another reason why I’m currently on semi-hiatus was to prevent myself from engaging on social media and getting way too close to the boys on some weird parasocial level enough for me to get depressed over people I know I would never meet in real life. In a way, I was preparing for the worst while I kept on hanging on to that optimism. And finally, the time has come at the worst timing ever. Exciting announcements of back-to-back events for the boys, such as the Holizontal JAM Overwatch 2 event and most especially, HOLOSTARS RUST Season 2, and then Cover/HoloPro decided to drop the bomb on us.

I chose to ignore the signs my personal gut had been throwing at me. Not being self-centered, but whenever my personal gut got something to throw at me, it’s usually correct. And because of that, I start to curse and blame myself for that stupid personal gut. I remembered the date my father was expected to pass away years ago was thrown at me by my personal gut, but that’s beside the point. I felt these signs started coming right at me right even from their earlier months too.

THE SIGNS I IGNORED ABOUT MAGNI DEZMOND

I wrote a whole summary of this, but my site decided to crash on me and I lost everything, so I’ll give you a list format instead:

• During his streams, he was constantly getting ill. For instance, when he had a migraine, a fever, cough and cold, ² you name it, he will still stream. He showed obvious signs of how exhausted and stressed he was that made the Magmites ³ completely worry about him.
• Dez had a zatsu after his off-collab with Vesper and how he admitted that he never felt a deeper connection with anyone as he did with Vesper. When I heard him say that, I felt that he meant on a personal, mental, and spiritual level, like they’re brothers from different mothers, you know? Who would have thought that it was more than that? On the other hand, when he said that, I felt it also, based on the VODs and clips of the HQ collabs with each other. Somehow, the gut gave me a sign that they’re the type of duo where they start together and then end together. The irony… ⁴
• When they do collabs with the hololive girls, both Dez and Ves were the ones who made collabs more, especially with Mori Calliope and Ouro Kronii. Despite the parasocial unicorns hating on them, the four of them (HoloSALT) became one of the more memorable, entertaining collabs we’ve ever seen. Altare and Axel have some collabs with the girls too, but not as often as these two. This really doesn’t mean anything altogether, but somehow I got a sign about the two of them having a lot of things in common and truly are in sync together.
• Somehow, after the debut of the VG boys, I noticed Dez spending a lot more time with the new boys than he did with his fellow HQ boys. It doesn’t mean anything either, as he was being a type of senpai the VG boys can look up to, and he did very well in guiding all of them from the beginning. Once the VG boys are able to walk on their own, I felt that Dez was beginning to become distant again from his fellow Tempus and even from the JP senpai too. I noticed this when HOLOSTARS RUST Season 1 began back in May. He was supposed to be one of the confirmed participants in the arc, but in the end, he logged in once to try out RUST and never went back on again.
• If you’re wondering, yes, I am aware of his original streaming persona. I knew about this persona because my moots kept tweeting about his activities, however, they are not the same. Sure, they are the same person behind, but his presentation of his original persona vs. Magni Dezmond were completely different from each other. They don’t have the same vibe at all. I only know Magni Dezmond, not the other persona. I’m not particularly interested in the vtubers’ identities or their past life. I’m a fan of their present persona, not their past. Does this make sense? But going back to this, I can tell how much he enjoys being himself as his original persona, and now he has sponsorships and even appearances in different events such as Off-Kai Expo and the upcoming Anime Impulse OC. Why would he need Magni Dezmond for, right?

And finally, here we are. Adri’s personal gut – 1, Adri – 0. Magni Dezmond will be graduating on August 31 along with Vesper… without a graduation stream. In short, they officially graduated today without a word of goodbye.

THE SIGNS I IGNORED ABOUT NOIR VESPER

Same as above, in list format:

• The infamous suspension because of uncontrollable behavior between him and the management. Now, that’s not a very huge sign, that was pretty minor to me. We all have our worst moments and we pay for them. He eventually came back after serving those two weeks without streaming, right? What happened already happened, so let’s move on. Bright things ahead, I hoped, but unfortunately…
• I admit that I haven’t been watching a lot of his streams and VODs because of the work schedule. I was only able to catch him whenever I’m off from work, which is quite rare too. But there was a time when he streamed at the oddest hours, only to learn that he was in Japan. In fact, he didn’t bring his anxiety meds with him, and without it, his anxiety becomes worse, to the point that he would hyperventilate when he was around other people. Because of that, he had to distance himself from the boys in order to recover. I was happy that he was there because Axel was also in Japan at that time, and that they should have an off-collab of some sort. It was also his chance to meet his JP senpais in real life too. But sadly, none of them happened.
• His anxiety period was so severe that he had to miss the Tempus Half-Anniversary collab stream in the beginning of the year. I remembered there were so many mixed feelings among Tempuras and Vesties all around, but I remained silent about this. I knew Vesper needs time to recover and he didn’t mean to get himself distant from the boys for the sake of recovery. I’m sure he would’ve been happy to be there too. But at the same time, the gut was giving me a sign that somehow, he didn’t seem to enjoy the company with the boys to the point that he started to get distant from them, even right after the half-anniversary. But he tried, little by little, and he even had another chance collab with Dez, Calli, and Kronii in Mario Party and other games too.
• Going back to his situation during his Japan trip that time. Imagine the time they finally get to debut with their 3D models. This would mean they would have to be in Japan because the studios and equipment are there. Just imagine, would Vesper have to go through the same scenario again when he couldn’t bring his anxiety meds with him? Imagine… it will be a lot more difficult for him to make his 3D debut in this situation. It’s difficult to say it, but…
• No surprise, he didn’t join HOLOSTARS RUST, just like Dez. Honestly, that was not a surprise to me, but Dez not attending this one big event where he finally has a chance to meet and encounter most of the JP senpais, especially the ones he hadn’t met yet? Plus, RUST is a survival game, not necessariliy FPS, and I know both Dez and Ves love playing survivial games.

Adding to his brand-new Vesper 2.0 model, he suddenly disappears along with Dez. Seven weeks later, we get the graduation notice.

The sign that made it way too obvious that I really chose to ignore…

The most obvious sign that made it way too obvious that I ignored was the starting voice pack sales at the HoloPro Shop. All the current and active members of hololive and Holostars released their starting voice packs for everyone to purchase. However, one major note here was that there was not Dez and Ves starting voice packs. A lot of Magmites and Vesties gave their reactions, wondering where their starting voice packs were. It makes sense, we all knew that there are… were… eight members of Guild Tempus, right?

So, among the starting voice packs on sale, where were Dez’s and Ves’s starting voice packs? Well… now we got our answer.

Noticing that before, the gut was telling me: Because they’re no longer part of Holostars. But what did I do when I heard those words within my inner conscience?

I ignored it. That’s what I did.

Oh how obvious that was…

Some Personal Thoughts

I’m not going to get all speculative about the story behind their graduation from Holostars. I’m not that desperate, and even if they were my (kami)oshi, I’m not going through an emotional period where all I do is ask questions and whine about not getting the answers to those questions. But there are speculations that it must have been about their renewal contracts with Cover/HoloPro and sadly, it didn’t go through. Both of them were not suspended, plus if they did get terminated, Cover/HoloPro will specifically say they were terminated. They didn’t, meaning the graduation was all the decision of both Dez and Ves.

I have tears in my eyes as I continue writing this entry. What drew me to Holostars was Tempus— the entire group. Some people are introduced to the unit by discovering one member they end up going head over heels for, but I’m backwards. I have to like and enjoy the unit as a whole first before I start to decide which one of the members would become my oshi. However, I never really believed in the whole kamioshi bit. I have Altare as my oshi in Tempus (HQ), but he isn’t the only main reason why I watch and follow Tempus ⁵. The entire unit just blend and mesh well together that I couldn’t stop searching for VODs and clips about every single one of them.

Eventually, Tempus lead me to their JP senpais and now I’ve become a Holostamin when I discovered Minase Rio (Uproar) and Kanade Izuru (OGs) becoming my oshis of their respective units along with Altare of Guild Tempus. When one isn’t streaming, I always get to watch the others. If none of my oshi are streaming, I watch the other boys of their groups. Dez and Vesper were always the ones on my top list of “non-oshi favorite members” to watch.

I know, one day, my oshis will eventually graduate from Holostars and follow their new chosen paths. Dez and Vesper may not be my top oshis, but their graduations alone really hit me hard. Somewhere along, I’ll eventually see them again whenever time permits.

To Dez and Ves —- thank you for being part of the foundation of Guild Tempus. Thank you for being part of Holostars. Thank you for the laughs, the tears, the adventures, and the mingling with many fellow streamers and vtubers such as yourselves.

Rest well and I wish you both the best in whatever you do. Till we meet again, perhaps, one day.